So I’ve started purging and cleaning my kitchen. By purging I mean getting rid of utensils and dishes I no longer use. But it’s also true of food. My fridge, freezer, and cupboards are pretty bare. I plan to only buy food a few days at a time from here on out so I don’t have a lot left over when surgery time comes and it goes to waste.
My trainer asked me why I wanted to start a blog, when we were working out on Monday. My hope is that people will read my words and feel eventually feel comfortable to tell their own story.
As I have said many times, I’m a pretty blunt person. We’re conditioned as a society to not talk about so many things. Taboos. I hate taboos. I don’t think anything should be a taboo. How can you truly connect with people if you don’t let your guard down and talk about subjects that are considered taboo?
Health in general is taboo outside of people who work in the healthcare field. I’m pre-diabetic. I have high-cholesterol, I weigh almost 300 pounds, I struggle with gastro-intestinal issues.
Gender and sexuality are taboos. I don’t fully feel male. Internally, I feel more feminine, however I’m ok with my male body. I don’t know what that means to me right now, so I identify as queer or genderqueer. Because I reside in a male body, I identify as gay, or queer regarding my sexuality. We could continue with sexual proclivities and relationship structures but I won’t for sake of length. I will say, I prefer monogamy, but I respect people’s interests and don’t judge.
I’m Hard of Hearing. I haven’t been to an audiologist in years to be gauge my hearing loss, but it feels like it’s getting worse. I also think audiologist’s are crooks out to make a buck. If I do go see someone it will be an ENT. That being said, I’ve also developed tinnitus. I identify as Deaf, not Hard of Hearing, because I’m part of the Deaf community, and I participate in Deaf culture. There’s a difference between big D Deaf and little d deaf.
We’re not supposed to talk about money. I’m trying to rebuild my credit. I made a lot of mistakes financially in my early 20’s that I’m paying off or that I have paid off but are affecting my credit. So is every other 30 something year old. I have so much student loan debt it’s crippling and I have no degree to show for it. My top goal for myself is to finish my degree (outside of losing weight).
It’s well established I have PTSD. Mental health is a taboo. I was diagnosed with depression in high school. I have thought about suicide over the years. One night in college I had a plan, I was going to jump out my dorm room window. Granted, I probably wouldn’t have died, but just hurt myself, but the weight of just coming out of an abusive relationship and being sexually assaulted was too much for me to bare. Three friends intervened and saved me.
Domestic abuse and sexual assault are uncomfortable subjects that people don’t want to talk about. For a number of reasons, granted, but still. I survived both. I have, for so many years, had no self-esteem, not just low self-esteem, but no self-esteem. I am taking the power back. I have control over my life.
Death is a taboo. We all are going to die. We don’t know when, or how, but it’s inevitable. People feel uncomfortable with grief and with death and dying. A colleague and good friend says it best when talking to her volunteers about handing crying people kleenex. “It’s ok to offer tissue, but we never hand it to them. It sends a message that says ‘I’m uncomfortable with your crying and want it to stop.'” (I’ve heard her give that speech a few times.) Crying, displaying emotion, grieving however you need to, is OK. Everyone is different. Sure there are common themes that everyone goes through with grief and with recovering from trauma, but every person is unique and has their own unique way of handling things. Don’t mock someone for showing emotion in public.
This has been kind of a soapbox post. But I feel like the more we talk about our taboos, the more we can connect as human beings and lead healthier, happier, more peaceful lives.
I have no statistic to share. Luckily, Chiquita’s farting subsided. 🙂 But I will leave you with the music for this post.
“With Arms Outstretched” by Rilo Kiley; “I’ll Think of You” by Kurt Schneider, Sam Tsui, Alex G, & Alyson Stoner; “Leave a Light On” by Kyler England; “Good as Gold” by Dala; “Wait for Me” by Moby; “Wasted Nights” by Nolan Sotillo; “Airplanes” by B.o.B. feat. Hayley Williams; “Language” by Scott Matthew; “In the End” by Justin Vivian Bond, “In the End – Acoustic” by Scott Matthew; “Fix You” by Coldplay; “Chasing Cars” Cover by Nick Pitera; “Make a Name for Me and You” by Rachael Cantu; ” A Case of You” Cover by James Blake; “The Circle Game” by Joni Mitchell.