Ok so maybe not but…
When I went to bed this morning I had been awake for 48 hours. I only slept for 12 hours. The past few weeks my insomnia has been getting progressively worse. I haven’t kept good enough of track of when it started to get worse so I’m not sure if it’s related to my hormones or not. I’ve had insomnia since college, but this is the worst it’s ever been.
I’m having hot flashes, my mood swings are ridiculous, I’m easily overwhelmed, when I’m anxious about something, it’s worse than it before. I had a panic attack at services last night at my synagogue which then turned into crying because the music was so beautiful I felt so moved by the prayers and singing and the congregation around me. Then I had a hot flash that lasted through the night.
I say all this not to complain, but because I want people to know what it’s like to go through hormonal transitioning for a Trans* woman. Not everyone’s reaction to hormones is the same as every body is different; but from what I’ve read on the messages boards these are all pretty common reactions. I’m also very grateful that my doctor started me out on a fourth of the dose and is working me up to the full dose. I don’t think I could have handled the full dose right off the bat.
Not everything is bad, or doom and gloom; and besides, this is a means to an end. I am noticing physical changes. Minor breast development, I’m losing muscle strength and muscle mass. Those are the biggest things, as well as the sexual side effects.
I weighed myself this morning out of curiosity and I weighed 227.7 pounds. I normally weigh myself every Monday morning so I expect it to go up a few pounds between now and then. I have lost 67.3 pounds since my heaviest, which was 295 pounds. I’m noticing loose skin. I’m going to talk to my transition doctor about the loose skin at my next appointment and ask him when would be the best time to have surgery to remove it as my body is changing.
I’m still trying to avoid buying clothes until I reach my goal weight or am closer to my goal weight. Which my goal is to reach it by the one year anniversary of surgery. My goal weight is 140 pounds. I’m less than 90 pounds away from it.
Well lovelies, I think that’s all I have for tonight. I’ll be hosting an Ask Me Anything on Wednesday night from 7-9. I’ll be answering your questions live on Facebook, so if you’re not following me there, go to the link below. I’ll be sharing the video on Twitter, Tumblr, and here once it’s over and I have it captioned. I will also be posting another blog entry on Thursday as it’s my 1 month anniversary of being on hormones.
Also, if you’re not following me on Twitter, Tumblr don’t forget to follow me there. If you have the means, please donate to my Patreon to help me be able to afford to write my book full time. There are perks if you do donate (go to my Patreon page to find out more, the link is below). Finally, if you’re a student, or a teacher, or a professor and would like me to come talk to your classes I do not charge for schools in the Des Moines area. If you’re in Polk County but not Des Moines, I’ll only charge mileage. I can speak on topics including: my experiences as a Trans* individual, the LGBTQ+ community as whole, intersectionality of identities (i.e. being Deaf and Trans* and so on), sexual assault and domestic violence, mental health, the Deaf community and my experiences being Deaf, and other topics. I have a long list of places of spoken or guest lectured so don’t hesitate to reach out to me. My email address is below as well.
Good night all,