I just got home from taking family pictures and a mini-family reunion of my dad’s side of the family. It’s left me with mixed emotions. I had to go as Patrick and not Rivka. It felt weird and uncomfortable getting ready this morning and going out of the house intentionally to pass as a boy as opposed to a woman. The reason I had to go as Patrick is because I haven’t come out to my grandparents yet. It’s been almost a year since I came out to my family. Getting ready today wasn’t just uncomfortable emotionally for me but physically too. It was physically painful as I had to bind my breasts so that they didn’t show and they are still growing and very tender. 
I’m going to have to tell my grandparents at some point because I’m going to continue to develop physically and at some point there will be no hiding it. Not to mention my grandmother enjoys writing and will definitely be picking up and reading my book once it’s published (which is horrifying in and of itself to think about considering some of the stories in there). 
So, I feel conflicted about it. My grandparents love me dearly, especially my grandmother: so part of me thinks she’ll love me regardless but another part of me thinks they won’t understand what I’m talking about or what I mean when I say I’m transgender and transitioning. 
I should give some background, they are in their 80s, in decent-ish health (as well as one can be in your 80s), and have lived in rural Iowa (most of that time on a farm) most of their lives. The rest of my dad’s side of the family knows and doesn’t seem to have any issue with it, at least outwardly anyway as no one has ever said anything to me. They seem to accept me at face value however I present myself. 
So I’m conflicted on how to go about doing this. They’re sweet people and love me dearly, just uninformed from a lifetime of living a simple, rural life. Coming out is such a delicate thing and for some, can be one of the more difficult things an LGBTQ+ person faces in their lifetime. It’s a never ending thing in our heteronormative, binary gender/sex infused society. 

Take care my loves,

Rivka
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