Tomorrow (in 7 minutes from when I started writing this post, so today, by the time I’m done); I’ll have reached an achievement I didn’t expect to reach. Four weeks of sobriety.

I never considered myself an alcoholic, as I didn’t drink every day, and that was the image I had in my mind. But, every time I drank, I drank to get drunk for reasons not to enjoy the beverage or company around me, but to suppress, or dull emotions or feelings.

I started attending AA meetings four weeks ago, today, and I discovered a sense of community that I’d been searching for, for so long. The people who attend my meetings are genuine, caring people. In them, I have discovered a common ailment that plagues all of us. But not just that. I’ve found a common group of people who have been through similar trauma’s I’ve faced, similar life events, etc. They accept me as I am, and I them.

I have found great solace in this group of people these past few weeks. This summer really kicked my ass. It was a very dark, scary summer for me. Battling my own demons and reliving past trauma’s in my mind.

I don’t expect people who don’t suffer from Alcoholism to understand. But it felt important to me to say something about this feeling of love and acceptance and community I’ve found.

For so long I’ve not felt like I could utilize or attend support groups because I work in social services and have referred clients to the few support groups that exist in my city and surrounding area. So, it felt, off limits, or uncomfortable thinking about opening myself in person to a group of people who might include former clients.

With this group, because of the anonymity, and even if that didn’t exist, I still feel comfortable, and safe. Finally, I can talk to people who have gone through things I’ve been through too.

In other news: I just submitted my first four chapters of my book and it’s introduction to my editor. So… it’s becoming a reality. I am working on the harder, heavier, deeper chapters and I’m having to work on them in spurts. It’s too emotionally draining to work on them and try to get them done in one sitting.

My new therapist has a sister who was born with hearing loss, so I’m excited to work with her and gain some perspective from her on certain things from my life that she might have observed from growing up with a Deaf person.

I have a HUGE job interview today at 5pm. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I really want this job and have a lot riding on it. I know I’ll be crestfallen if I don’t get it, but I’ll get back up and move forward if it happens that I don’t get it.

That’s all I have for you all my beautiful readers. I hope this finds you safe and healthy. I’m feeling healthy and happy again, and I hope, if you’re struggling, you find that happiness again soon, too.

All my love,

Rivka

 

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