I’ve been struggling a lot recently with feeling relevant in my field of work; given the fact that, I’m not currently employed in my field of work. (For those of you at home who don’t know, that’s the Sexual Assault/Domestic Violence/Anti-Violence Movement).

I had a great job opportunity and a really great interview for a position that I didn’t get. My company isn’t taking off the way I had hoped it would; perhaps once my book gets published January 2018 but who’s to say…?)

Speaking engagements are scarce. Work in the field is scarce. I’ve been licking my wounds with an old friend and colleague who is in the same boat as me and she sent me the Rosie the Riveter poster in a text to perk me up and I told her how much I used wish I could be a girl so I could have Rosie the Riveter as a role model as a kid. And then it hit me: there’s so much that I’ve given up to be a woman (talking Privilege here), but there’s one thing I’ve gained. A world-wide network of strong, powerful role models that I can now relate to.

Not to mention, I’m getting to live out dreams I had as a child that I never thought I could. I have boobs! (always wanted those), I can wear skirts without too many weird looks! (always wanted to do that AND A BRA!), I can shave my legs and bemoan the effort it takes (my ankle currently looks a bit like a surgical site because I was in a rush the other day but still…). These are all little, minor, silly, maybe even annoying things that cisgender women get to take for granted that I’m now getting to live out.

Being able to have unruly, curly brown hair has always been a dream of mine. Eventually, having women’s parts is always been something I’ve dreamt about myself having, and someday will have.

I suppose what I’m getting at is there’s a silver lining even in the darkest clouds. I may be dirt broke and barely (nay unable) to pay all my bills right now, my health is shit given I’m about to have surgery to remove my gallbladder (G-d willing), but underneath all that, I have boobs.

So really… who’s winning? I am.

Love to you all!

Rivka

PS: Music I listened to while writing this was the Fray’s “Heaven Forbid”, “Look After You”, “You Found Me”, and “How to Save a Life”.

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